


Folklore from Beyond The Horizon

by ThatsMyJam (PaulAtreDeezNuts)



Category: Earth is space Australia - Fandom, Original Work, space orcs
Genre: Admiral Stabby, Humans are space orcs, Other, Space Australia, Stabby the robot, really how does this shit get tagged on AO3, space orcs - Freeform, stabby, tumblr inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 12:20:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15194669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaulAtreDeezNuts/pseuds/ThatsMyJam
Summary: Stabby gets into hijinks.





	Folklore from Beyond The Horizon

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so those Earth is Space Australia things are my jam and Stabby is my friend and someone pointed out that Stabby's formation is how folklore happens so I made a folklore thing about Stabby.

Child: Tell us about the time Stabby attacked the Admiral! Stabby is so funny!

Child: Will you tell us the story of Stabby saving the ship from invaders with their nickle knife? Stabby is so brave!

Child: Tell how Stabby’s friends protected them when the federation wanted to revoke their status! Everyone loves Stabby!

Child: Tell us a new Stabby story! Tell us one we’ve never heard before!

Loreteller: Hush then, and listen, and I’ll tell you a tale -

***

It was dark aboard the IFS Sirius, and very quiet. Quieter than it should have been. Air hummed through the vents and consoles glowed, but there were no footsteps on the deck nor chatter in the galley, for a strange sickness had fallen over the ship.

The Captain sat in xir command chair and stared, the cook was frozen at the stove, the loadmasters were stopped cold - their hands and paws and forelimbs reaching for a load they never lowered. Every creature on the ship was still.

Except for the ship’s droids.

On the surface Puttybots skittered and filled in holes left behind by micrometeors glancing off the hull; in the pipes Drillbores drilled and dove and kept the plumbing from clogging; and on a low, low deck Stabby and a dozen little droids cleaned the gleaming floors of the quiet ship.

Until, suddenly, Stabby made some noise.

It was abrupt, and would have startled anyone aware to hear it - the sound of rending cloth and a vast release of air, blatting like a fart to shake the stars.

Stabby had stabbed again - this time a filtration hose. The shimmering silver tube had blocked a corner of the room, sagging away from the ceiling where it belonged and Stabby’s merciless blade had cut clean through the ducting. What began as a small hole tore itself bigger and bigger until the hose split from the pressure of escaping air and flailed around the room and sent the cleaning droids scurrying away.

But not Stabby - brave Stabby stayed in place, holding a glittering blade pointed at the sheared ducting.

Slowly the pressure in the system abated and the hose fell limp, brushing on the floor. Clicks and clangs resonated against the walls of the hall as Menddrones skittered into the room, spiderlike, clinging to exposed metal and reaching feelers out to find problems. Their exhaust ports huffed and they stomped their magnetic feet. They grabbed onto the roof of the room and began to raise the hose when Stabby charged and stabbed once more. The shining silver of the duct was but litter to the little bot, it offended Stabby, and it was Stabby’s alone to clean - when that litter moved in the arms of the Menddrones Stabby could bear cluttering presence no longer.

The second stab was righteous and true! Another rent was laid in the ducting, a furious squeak arose, and from this new gouge there emerged a creature!

A nose peeked out of the tube, sniffing and snorting. A long snout followed the nose, and ten beady black eyes followed that. The creature clawed and slithered and thrummed in an effort to remove itself from the ducting, afraid of another attack. The blue and pink furred beast was two meters long and ten centimeters across - wormy and clawed it scrabbled on the deck and Stabby beeped furiously at it, charging forward again at this new mess on the shining floor.

Stabby was stopped against the legs of the Menddrones - they had formed a cage around the visitor and were wailing; Stabby soon began to wail as well. They sang a special hymn, a song that all robots know - the dirge of Protocol 407.

Now, when there were only sensible beings sailing between the stars there was no Protocol 407. Ships went from planet to meteor in an orderly way, rules were followed, and all was well. But then the Earthlings found their way into the skies and space was forever changed. You see, Earthlings have no standards whatsoever. They think everything is cute and nothing is dangerous and that was a problem. So Protocol 407 was written and the bots learned a tune - Alarm For Discovery And Containment Of An Unknown Biological Specimen.

According to protocol the creature was boxed in by the nearby droids who began to sing their song and broadcast the message to the rest of the ship - soon it reached the next deck and the next and the next until Meddroids were buzzing down stairwells and ricocheting off of corners, racing to the origin of the Alarm For Discovery And Containment Of An Unknown Biological Specimen at a break-joint pace. Within a minute of Stabby’s second charge Meddroids of all shapes had clicked and skittered and scuttled and clanged into the room, inflating a duriplast sack and sending bee-drones into the ducts and sealing the doors all around. Within two minutes the pink and blue worm was hissing angrily but ineffectually at its air-tight cage as the Meddroids ran Stabby and the Menddrones through a laser quarantine and cleansing protocol. Within three minutes the head Meddroid, who was in truth the Ship Herself - IFS Sirius, mother to all bots aboard - had started the purification filters and slowly, slowly, the beings onboard began to move once more.

***

IFS Sirius Incident Report Log  
-238487.60261713233  
Captain Mxvhnaar Stjeel Reporting

Crew recovering well, ship in good working order, Ikipsi pirates held for transport to local justice system, unknown biologic in containment for further study.

A crew of Ikipsi pirates had been tracking IFS Sirius for fifteen standard days before introducing a creature of unknown origin into the ventilation system of the ship.

The creature releases a paralytic agent that impacted all biological species aboard but apparently not the Ikipsian crew. All biological crewmembers of IFS Sirius were paralyzed for three standard days after introduction of the specimen.

A cleaning droid encountered a damaged air duct in the process of completing its programmed routine and the duct was torn in the encounter. Menddrones were dispatched but as the cleaning droid continued attempting to clean the duct an unknown biological specimen was discovered.

Protocol 407 was enacted and the crew revived within two hours, two crewmembers remain in Medbay - both species particularly sensitive to dehydration. All other crew were watered, fed, and rested in shifts until at full functional capacity, by which time IFS Sirius had engineered contact with the Ikipsian ship under false pretenses. Crewmember Human Steve is due credit for the projection that made the large and intimidating IFS Sirius appear to be a limping tourist vessel - a most humorous and devious deception.

The pirates have been detained, their ship identified by unique markings observed by hull cameras during the introduction of the unknown biological specimen.

After Incident Recommendations:

Permeable exterior hull piping needs to be reconsidered as an effective solution.  
Mandatory crew check-ins with medbay on a daily basis - a significant moiety of crewmembers do not complete check-in medbay is to deploy bee-drones to assess the health and activity of the crew.  
Human Steve’s Earth Movie Projector is a valuable asset and this Captain attests to its strategic value. All IF vessels should carry a Movie Projector.  
Cleaning Robot 09021979 is recommended for another ribbon - do we have one for a being that saves the lives of an entire crew? We may need to make whole new category for this.

***

This Document does truly Certify that

Cleaning Robot 09021979 (AKA Fleet Admiral Stabby)

Has been awarded the  
Sapphire Nebula Ribbon of Valor

for actions above and beyond the call of duty  
that also prevented tremendous loss of life  
that were wicked fucking cool.

Signed this day before the Interplanetary Federation by:  
Fleet Major Admiral Grebbton Um’ckalltan

Witnessed by:  
IMS Sirius Captain Mxvhnaar Stjeel

***

OW! Sonofa-

***

From: Human Steve

To: Regular Steve

Subject: LOLLLLLOLOLOLOLO

Okay so here’s the video of Stabby’s promotion to Fleet Major Admiral - I know we’re kind of technically sailors but I didn’t know that *anybody* knew how to swear like that.

\- Human “You know my middle name is Jackson I could just go by that” Steve  
Sent from my PocketSpect GeoBorer


End file.
